My story of our Miracles

Ok, wow. So where do I start. I have been waiting, hoping and praying for the day that I got to make this post. Me and Ken are more than excited to anounce miracle #2 is due 6/23/10. It has been a long and rough road. It some ways it was rougher than with Tristan and in other ways not. Don't worry I will explain. For those that are unaware, I have PCOS (polycystic ovary syndrome) which causes many little cysts all over my ovaries making it to where I do not ovulate on my own. I barely have any cycles on my own, have rapid weight gain, and lose my hair like crazy. Don't worry, I'm not bald...yet! These are the symtoms that I expirience personally but there is other symtoms of PCOS that other women face. It is something I will have the rest of my life and is incurable. Something I will have to manage with the medicine Glucaphage or Metformin (generic version). I found out I had PCOS when I went to the doctor to try to conceive Tristan. I knew something was wrong so I thought I should get checked out. Low and behold I did have issues. I was treated through my OB for 6 months before turning to a Reproductive Endocrinologist (aka RE aka fertility doctor). I turned to him not becasue I hadn't become pregnant yet, but because I was not responding to the treatment from my OB at all. I wasn't even coming close to ovulating. My RE was amazing and I was able to conceive Tristan with oral meds. My HCG levels and progesterone levels were so low with Tristan (beta 30 and progesterone 6) that they thought for sure I would miscarry and prepared me for the worst. Talking to my OB about it recently she said she has never seen anyone with a progesterone level that low carry a baby to term. Tristan was always a miracle to us but it became evident recently how much of a miracle my little guy really is.

Right before Tristans 1st birthday in March we decided we were going to try again on our own and if nothing happened we would go back to the fertility center around September. We didn't think we had much of a chance but PCOS has a habbit of going into remission for the first year after having a baby so we thought why not try. In April we found out we were pregnant. We never realized just how bad we wanted another baby until we saw that positive test. I didn't know how far along I was due to me not having a cycle since Sept so I went in for an u/s to find an empty sac at 5 weeks. They had me come back in 2 weeks and there was no heartbeat. I have never in my life felt heartache like that. It rocked me to my core. I did a lot of crying and praying for answers. I will say that I never lost my faith because I know god has a plan for us. I prayed for strength and the lord answered me. I miscarried on 4/28/09 and that was the week we were putting offers on our house so I was occupied. If it wasn't for being in the middle of closing our house and moving I would have had a lot more time to fall deeper into a sad hole. I was reminded everyday that I have a precious son and husband who loves and needs me. They were my rock that got me through. I will always be sad for our baby that would have been due 12/1/09, but I am at peace now and at an understanding with the Lord. Only a couple of people new I was pregnant last Spring ( I literally mean a couple) so I really don't want anyone to be offended that I didn't tell them. It was something I was not ready to talk about until now. I didn't want sympathy or questions. I just needed to cope alone. And lets be honest, if someone tells you they just had a miscarriage you can't not say anything right? Well I didn't want anything said. I hope that is understandable. You may wonder why I mention it now. Well for starters, I can now talk about it without being bitter and even though my pregnancy was short lived, our baby will never be forgotten and always live in our hearts.

I decided to stop breastfeeding Tristan in May because he was ready (only getting nursed at night at that point) and I needed to get back on my maintenance drugs because my PCOS came back with the vengeance. I was gaining weight fast and losing my hair again so I knew it was time. I did one round of fertility treatment with my OB before going back to my RE. I did a few months of oral meds that I conceived Tristan with but I wasn't really responding. So he switched me to oral meds and injections that I had to give myself in the stomach. Can you say Owe! That was so not fun and I seriously had to give myself a pep talk every night to be able to give myself the injection. But I knew it was worth it because I was responding so well to it. I was growing follicles like mad which is way more than I was doing on oral meds. So after a few months of injections, welts, sore tummy, ultrasounds and bloodwork every few days, hot flashes, tears from hormones....we finally got our BFP (big fat positive as they say in the trying to conceive world) on 10/11/2009. I have gotten lots of blood work and 2 ultrasounds now with my RE and everything is looking great. I am on Metformin and progesterone until 12 weeks to help prevent me from miscarrying (I have a high chance of m/c with PCOS without meds) and I have now been released to my OB which is an awesome milestone and I can't wait to share my good news with her.

So that is my journey in a nutshell of how our miracles came about. I know it seems long but believe me when I tell you that this is the nutshell version. I have debated for a while on if I wanted to publish this journey but I have been asked a couple of times by people who know a little of the journey for more details and I also like to bring to light the awareness of PCOS and Infertility. I want people who battle Infertility to know they are not alone as well as women who struggle daily with PCOS. PCOS does hinder fertility but it is also a life long struggle and the medicine for it can make you sicker than a dog. I believe god doesn't give us what we can't handle though and that everything happens for a reason. I could be wrong but I think I look at Tristan a little different than I would have if I wouldn't have faught so hard for him. Every single day I count my blessings and thank god for blessing us with him. I have the most amazing family and I will NEVER EVER take that for granted. I have also been led to the most amazing women I have ever met through support message boards for women going through the same things I was. I actually belong to a private board of graduates called Parenting after Fertility Challenges. I have formed such a bond with this small group of women and I can say I call them my friends. We actually exchange Christmas cards too. So I think of all the faith, knowledge, and friendships I have gained and know this is why god put me on this journey. Another reason I decided to post my story is I have had it on my Facebook page that I battled infertility due to PCOS to conceive Tristan and I have had a few people reach out to me for support and questions because they are going through the same thing. So I am willing to put my bussiness out there if I can help someone else.

Sorry if this was long or bored you. I started typing and didn't really know where this was all going. I hope everyone had a wonderful Holiday. I cooked my very first Thanksgiving dinner in our new house and it was an amazing day. What were you thankful for this year? I sure know what I am thankful for!

P.S. Do you like the song on my profile? I LOVE it! It's by Paula Fuga and Jack Johnson called "Country Road". I don't have it in me to change it yet because I just love it so much. Had to share my love of the song ;)